Saturday 19 November 2011

Meet our liaison officer with the fossil fuel industry - Gladys

Defend fossil fuels! Get a warmer world now! On to 500ppm!

Let me introduce myself (below, addressing our Climate Change Convention).  I represent many billions of cockroaches who are throwing our weight behind the fossil fuel industry.  Our aim?  To create a world more fully welcoming to cockcroaches, not to mention many species of bacteria.  The lily-livered namby-pamby climate change 'activists' have settled on a carbon dioxide figure of 350 ppm as their goal.  We want nothing less than 500 ppm!  This will create a world thoroughly conducive to our lives as cockroaches.

Is this purely opportunistic?  I acknowledge that our one achievement will be the feeding possibilities of the 7 billion bodies that will come available for leisurely ingestion as world temperatures rise.  But a world in which heat, wetness and rapid decay are prevalent is one we will cherish.  We are prepared for humans to die to achieve this.

First, we must secure strong links between ourselves and the oil and gas industry.  Tar sands and gas fracking offer particularly enticing new opportunities for increasing carbon in the atmosphere.